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jimmy
01-22-2006, 08:19 PM
A man is working on the buses in the US collecting tickets.

He rings the bell for the driver to set off when there's a woman half getting on the bus. The driver sets off, the woman falls from the bus and is killed. At the trial the man is sent down for murder and seeing as it's Texas he's sent to the electric chair. On the day of his execution he's sat in the chair and the executioner grants him a final wish.

"Well" says the man, "is that your packed lunch over there?" "Yes" answers the executioner. "Can I have that green banana?"

The executioner gives the man his green banana and waits till he's eaten it. When the man's finished, the executioner flips the switch sending hundreds of thousands of volts through the man. When the smoke clears the man is still alive. The executioner can't believe it.

"Can I go?" the man asks. "I suppose so" says the executioner, "that's never happened before."

The man leaves and eventually gets a job back on the buses selling tickets. Again he rings the bell for the driver to go when people are still getting on. A man falls under the wheels and is killed. The bloke is sent down for murder again and sent to the electric chair. The executioner is determined to do it right this time so rigs the chair up to the electric supply for the whole of Texas.

The bloke is again sat in the chair. "What is your final wish?" asks the executioner. "Can I have that green banana in your packed lunch ?" says the condemned man. The executioner sighs and reluctantly gives up his banana. The bloke eats the banana all up and the executioner flips the switch. Millions of volts course through the chair blacking out Texas. When the smoke clears the man is still sat there smiling in the
chair. The executioner can't believe it and lets the man go.

Well, would you believe, the bloke gets his job back on the buses. Once again he rings the bell whilst passengers are still getting on, this
time killing three of them. He is sent to the electric chair again. The executioner rigs up all United States electricity supply to The chair, determined to get his man this time. The man sits down in the chair smiling.

"What's your final wish ?" asks the executioner. "Well" says the man, "Can I have that green banana out of your packed lunch.?" The executioner hands over his banana and the man eats it all, skin included. The executioner pulls the handle and a brazillion volts go through the chair. When the smoke rises the man is still sat there alive without even a burn mark.

"I give up" says the executioner, "I don't understand how you
can still be alive after all that?". He stroked his chin. "It's something to do with that green banana isn't it" he asked.

Nahh" said the bloke,




"I'm just a really bad conductor":razz: :razz:

PAUL HEARN
01-22-2006, 10:32 PM
:roll: Pants Jimmy,

Paul.:lol:

kenny
01-22-2006, 10:59 PM
jimmy
:lol:
:lol:
:lol:
:lol:


ken

Waxbillman
01-24-2006, 09:14 AM
:lol:

sorry Jimmy, heres a few Essex jokes
An Essex girl goes to the council to register for child benefit.
How many children?" asks the council worker.
10" replies the Essex girl
10?" says the council worker. "What are their names?"
Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne and Wayne"
Doesn't that get confusing?"
Naah..." says the Essex girl "its great because if they are out playing in
the street I just have to shout WAAYNE, YER DINNER'S READY, or WAAYNE GO TO
BED NOW and they all do it..."
What if you want to speak to one individually?" says the perturbed council
worker.
That's easy," says the Essex girl... "I just use their surnames"

Another Essex girl was involved in a serious crash; There's blood
everywhere. The paramedics arrive and drag the girl out of the car till
she's lying flat out on the floor.
Medic: "OK, I'm going to check if you're concussed."
Sharon: "Ok."
Medic: "How many fingers am I putting up?"
Sharon: "Oh my god I'm paralysed from the waist down!"



An Essex girl and an Irish guy are in a bar when the Essex Girl notices
something strange about the wellies the Irish guy is wearing.
She says, "Scuse me mate, I aint being funny or nuffink, but why doz one of
your wellies 'ave an L on it and the uva one's got an R on it?"

So the Irish guy smiles, puts down his glass of Guinness and replies, Well,
oim a little bit tick you see. The one wit the R on it is for me roight foot
and the one wit the L is for me Left foot"
Cor blimey, exclaims the Essex girl, "So THATS why me knickers 'ave got C&A
on them.

Matthew

kenny
01-24-2006, 04:06 PM
hi matt
nice one mate,
ken

jimmy
01-24-2006, 07:17 PM
Hi Matt,

My reply is in amongst a thread called "Hello Vixen":lol:

Waxbillman
01-24-2006, 07:48 PM
jimmy that was uncalled for

you can joke about where i come from but you cannot joke about what sex people are. :evil:


Matthew

jimmy
01-24-2006, 07:53 PM
:lol: :lol: Bye sweetie X

Waxbillman
01-24-2006, 07:58 PM
O.K

i think i regret saying that now, the power of editing is very good :D

Matthew

jimmy
01-24-2006, 08:06 PM
:shock: :shock: Thats not fair Matthew :D

Waxbillman
01-24-2006, 08:53 PM
:D sorry Jimmy

but thats life as a whole really, it int allus fair thi knows

Matthew

PAUL HEARN
01-24-2006, 11:52 PM
Hi Matthew,

I agree with Jimmy Big Boy.;-)

By the way if you continue to threaten other FF members with your Mod powers I will have to punish you Ting Tong.

Loads of love, Paul. X X X

kenny
01-25-2006, 12:25 AM
hi paul

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: yeah i know

ken

Waxbillman
01-25-2006, 06:35 AM
:lol:
i never threatened anybody with my mod powers, i you look further up i said my editing powers of my own posts which everyone else has as well, so i got rid of my comment not anyone else's.
now would i do such a think as removing some else post? ;-) i would dream of it

Matthew;-)

PAUL HEARN
01-25-2006, 11:46 PM
Hello Darling,

I know full well you wouldn't dream of removing someone elses posts or abusing your powers as a Moderator.:wink:

Love forever, Paul.:-D

kenny
02-05-2006, 09:41 PM
It's strange, isn't it. You stand in the middle of a library and go 'Aaaaaaagghhhh' and everyone just stares at you.

But you do the same thing on an airplane, and everyone joins in.